You don’t have to love everyone…

Vicki Bairdauthentic, election, healing, love, peace, Uncategorized, wounds2 Comments

You don’t have to love everyone, but you may want to be able to recognize why it is you don’t love them and heal that aspect within yourself.

This last week has been incredibly challenging for all of us. One would think that could be unifying but as a human species, we aren’t there yet. We will be one day, it is a knowing to my soul and a hope to my heart that we do. The soul will hold the knowing until the physical part of us gets to the same vibration. It’s ok, we will do it, all at different rates, but we will.

You know that expression that art imitates life? Well, this last week I’ve become so aware that my life is imitating my younger life today and I thought it may be the same for others too. I believe we are more similar than different so today I take a leap of faith to share what I’ve been realizing and maybe you are feeling too. Perhaps there can be healing from it for others and yes, for myself, too.

Each of us are compilations of our experiences and our teachings. A group of people witnessing the same event often see it and process it very differently. We have all witnessed a roller coaster of emotions through this last week and have come to see people in our lives differently too. I think this is a really good thing, and sometimes we can’t see it until the band aid is ripped off.

Band aid ripping can come in many forms. It can be an election that didn’t favor your party, or it can be someone cheating on you, or it can be someone passing, the losing of a job, or a stubbing of a toe that is the last straw. Painful that it may be, those band aids occasionally need to be ripped to wake us up and to get some air to the hurt that is underneath.

My band aid happened a few years ago when I realized Howard was not going to be in my physical life for much longer. It isn’t my favorite skill, being able to know someone is leaving my life by passing or the ending of a relationship, but it does help me to prepare. While I could get myself in place to experience it physically, the emotions that come up after are often as much of a crap shoot as anyone’s process. I decided that whatever I was going through, I was going to feel it, understand it to the best of my ability and use it to improve on the version of Vicki I experience every day.

So while it is painful some days, I embrace that because it means I am feeling. I am connecting with what is my true heart and how I experience it is through the past that is me. Feeling isn’t a bad thing. Sitting in your sorrow isn’t helpful, but feeling is a great gift. It brings up the crap that gets pushed down that we feel we have dealt with but haven’t. I suspect that is part of why people are hurting so much in upheaval of this election process. The long, drawn out election process, rather representative of life, isn’t it?

People are facing the hurts that they’ve buried and the wounds that were beneath the band aid for so long they can’t even remember what put the injury there. Then when they don’t feel they can deal with the feelings, they project them out on to others and what must have made them feel bad today and it isn’t totally true so it begins another cycle of burying.

As we faced so much name calling and bullying with finger pointing, not only in national news but local as well, I realized we all have dealt with that in our lives. Somewhere someone told us that what we feel didn’t matter and a part of our subconscious believed it, so it started stuffing until it wasn’t possible anymore. We all experience it to a different degree and while I won’t even pretend to understand what someone may go through as persecution for what beautiful skin they have or where they were born; I do know what it feels like to be told to not be smart. To shut up and not share what I know. To be told that I was too strong for people and I intimidate them. To be told not to cry or I would get something to cry about. That I felt too much or I didn’t feel enough for someone’s liking. That when I shine, it makes others feel bad so I need to stop doing that.

Growing up I took beatings. I brushed them off as discipline until recently. I even joked that maybe the beatings I took several times a week shook something up in my head to make it possible for me to be as intuitive as I was. I joked away abuse. I made it ok that my father beat me because someone else might be uncomfortable with it. Someone else might not want to discuss what happened in our home or may not see it the way I did because their experience was different but you know what? That wasn’t helping. That wasn’t airing out the wound so it could heal and it certainly wasn’t helping me to realize that it is perfectly ok to not love my father.

This is the life imitating life part. Current day events helping me to see what I wasn’t looking at within from my past. When I came to the conclusion, with the help of my theracoach, Belief Re-patterning and tissues, that I didn’t have to love him, I realized it made room for me to love me. It made room for my truth and who I am, and am discovering I am, every day. It made room to say what I went  through wasn’t ok and others didn’t step in to stop it, and that wasn’t ok either. I eventually stood up to him and said if he hit any of us again, he was going down. My fifteen year old self was a good bluffer. My forty seven year old self is tired of bluffing. She’s done loving everyone and all their conscious choices and bullying. She is done justifying why someone would act the way they did because of their past and therefore making their hurt ok but not her own. She is done with the idea that we have to love everyone. We don’t.

What I believe we do have to do is heal ourselves so that when we encounter a person who is not representing their soul well, we will feel strong in who we are enough to educate, speak up, help another or walk away, but walk away because of choice to not engage rather than because we don’t want to upset someone else.

Realizing I didn’t love my father and really couldn’t because of the choices he made over the years in his life with me, doesn’t mean I don’t respect him. He worked his tail off to support eight kids and a household. He often worked several jobs to do so. I can appreciate where he came from in his childhood experience and I can even feel empathy for his path. What I choose not to do any longer is make the decisions he and my mother made in how they raised us with physical abuse be justified.

I don’t bring this up for you to feel sorry for me. I bring it  up to point out that when I let go of the burden of carrying the should around loving him, I felt lighter and I hope he does as well in spirit.  I felt free to love the way I love. I feel more love for the human’s I share this Earth with because I have opened my heart to love myself.

It takes courage to love big.

When you carry around hate of another, you hurt yourself. When you hang on to the should’s of life, you burden your own energy. When you can’t see that you have freedom, and so do others, to love whom they want, to vote for whom they want and to not love whom they want; you get in the way of loving yourself.

It may take people a long time to be able to come to this place within themselves. That is ok. Others are not your concern. You are. Great changes can be made one soul at a time.

So, while we do not have to love another or their policies, we do have to learn to love ourselves so that any wounds that may be in there are healed. Are you up for the challenge? Your soul believes you are and so do I. Let’s go! I’ll help.  Let’s flood this planet with authentic presence and a direction of healing.

It takes incredible courage to love big and honest.

Courageously yours,
Vicki

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