So, I was walking through the store the other day. I’m minding my own business and all of a sudden I get this feeling of a whoooosh come over me. Do you ever get that? It’s not the feeling of low blood sugar or a fainting spell, not that I’ve had one of those, but more a feeling like you’ve somehow crossed into another realm and you may just be experiencing an alien abduction (not that I’ve experienced that either). Yeah, it was like that. There I am pushing my cart of very important TP and paper towels for the office and I am not sure if I have to get out of the store, sit down, or ask whatever just crossed into my energy field what it wants.
I went with the latter. Of course. I’m nosy like that.
I did not expect the store to provide epiphanies. I mean, I know they can happen wherever we are, but Walmart? Seriously? That whooosh quickly turned into a knowing that I had been living A life, but was I really living THE life I wanted to live? It’s not that the words were necessarily the most profound. It was the combination of the feeling and the knowing.
I’ll be honest, my next thought was “well….shit!” And that is because I know well enough that if I was feeling something so intense, the words can be small and yet the experience will be big. Growth is like that. It sneaks up on you in the paper goods aisle!
I decided I just needed to beat feet out of the store and go sit in my car to absorb this question from my soul to my human self. I am always grateful after for the insatiable desire to learn from my soul but in the moment I can be as hesitant as the next guy. This is where nosy comes in in handy. I HAD to know why that was so powerful an observation in that particular moment.
What I came to, in the parking lot and hours after, was that yes, I have been living A and it has been a pretty good one but I have not been living, in all honesty, THE life I know is there for me and I am capable of having. I’ve been procrastinating on some projects. I have been editing the emotions that are often right under the surface but I don’t show because they may be too much for some. I have been speaking and teaching about how to have your most fulfilling experience but have allowed my perceived obligations to keep me grounded in the “shoulds” of life rather than the coulds. I love my life. I really do, but I want more. I want love. I want a partner who is goofy, sexy, independent,smart, adventurous and patient because sometimes I am stubborn as you know what! I want a virtual business where I am able to meet people from all over the world electronically and in person on those stages that are so fun for me. I want to play and to run and be silly when it hits me. I want to drop all the shit from my past that is heavy and no longer needed and I want to be the best example to people that all that they want is possible too!
I have known all this is possible but I wasn’t allowing it in. Why? Well, that is a very long blog and I wont take your time, but it comes down to being brave. We may not have to fight tigers for our lives and are pretty insulated in our world but bravery is still needed. Those brave conversations with self and soul that we hide from and they have to whack us in the stores! Ok! I’m listening!
As I was going through this I asked a couple friends if they had ever experienced it before and the “Oh, man, yeah” response was enough to help me know I wanted to write this blog and share.
So, are YOU living A life but not the one that feels lit up or that feels like it is yours? What does that even mean? Does that mean the life you are in has no value? No, not at all. It means your soul is saying there is more and THAT IS MORE THAN OK! ASK FOR IT! WORK FOR IT! DO IT!
We have to be brave enough to admit what isn’t working for us and ask how we are contributing to our mediocrity. Brave enough to hear the answers to those questions. Brave enough to do something about it. Brave enough to change the habits that got us there. Brave enough to feel we are worth the receiving of such a life that lines up and feels like “YES! This is it! For me, maybe not all, but me!
I’m putting my hat in the ring. I want all those things above and more and I believe I can have them and contribute to the happiness in this world. I believe when I am living THE life I want (and is likely to keep changing in what it wants) then I will be an amazing being able to help others be it through work, social or a kind smile to someone who looks like they could use it. It isn’t all a material place. It is a resonance with oneself and then the big beautiful universe we live in.
What about you? Want to join me?