The ole leggo my ego conversation surfaced big time this last week. All five sessions I had in one day had my amazing clients wrestling with the idea of not appreciating their ego. That is sad to me. I find the ego adorable and a misunderstood aspect of our amazing selves. It helps us to be who we are and sure, sometimes it isn’t pretty but I don’t feel we should shun it to a corner and never learn to be in balance with it. We can simply understand where the conflict is coming from and choose to embrace the little bugger.
I’m not suggesting we choose different personalities on any given day, but I am suggesting that we take another look at this whole “get rid of your ego” message in the self help/metaphysical world. Now, I know I often have a perspective on things that others don’t (and I like that) so this may be something that has anyone who has studied methods where removing the ego aspects ready to state their case. Go for it. I’m always willing to listen up until the point my eyes want to roll in my head and I want to say “oh, come on!” Rude, I know, but I’ve been practicing since I was a teenager and sometimes it sneaks out. Sorry Mom.
When someone says “I know I have to get rid of/reduce/not listen/shun my ego” I want to take whatever book or class they heard that in and throw it out the window. Instead I usually ask them “How? How are you going to do that when the ego is the very aspect of you that makes your humanness amazing?” “How will do rid yourself of it and still remain here on the planet?” “How will you find the balance of soul and human experience and get to fully invest in life if you rid the part of you that leads curiosity, bravery, exploration, humor and a host of other truly amazing parts of being human?” “How?”
The looks back are usually that akin to the deer in the headlight look and I love it because it means I connected with some part of them that felt this but wasn’t downloading the whole transcript so it was still confused. Listen, the ego has gotten a bad wrap and it’s time we started appreciating it and working WITH all its quirks rather than against it.
The ego, in my humble opinion, is the part of us that works up the courage to ask someone out. It is the part that says, “no, I will not listen to your oppressive ways and I will create a revolution of my own.” It is the part that when your knees are knocking, you still get up on that stage and give the performance of your life and love the feeling after. It works in conjunction with the soul to want more in life. To want to learn, expand, explore, ask questions, jump off high ledges (check in on this one to be sure you’re safe. The ego is amazing but it isn’t always smart!) and to not settle for how others describe the person and find out for itself. So, then why would we ostracize such an important player in our production of a glorious life?
Can it get out of balance? Sure it can. Faster than you can say I’m only going to eat one potato chip or milk dud. You can have the potato chips but man, I can not eat just one milk dud! And this is the amazing thing I feel we are missing. That ability to find the balance in my ego loves me and my ego is trying to make me LOOK like a milk dud. We need to question it and ask what’s going on. We need to be willing to shine and back it up with ability. See, the ego can push us to try out for that musical, but you bess be able to carry a tune or that won’t be a great pairing at all. Listen to it and communicate back if it doesn’t seem like a great idea. After enough conversations like this, it calms down because it knows you are going to listen and it becomes a support system like no other.
Life is all about balance and I feel the more we seek that within ourselves and we embrace the parts that are out of balance, the easier this life thing gets.
Are there some that are full on egomaniacs? Yes. Yes, there are, but I think most are not and our heads aren’t going to get so big we won’t fit out the door if they acknowledge this gift that is right there inside our personality. So, because some can’t or won’t attempt balance and understanding we all have to get rid of that part of us? No. That is just not true. We are not all one (another teaching we can talk about later) and one size does not fit all. We are individuals with unique wiring that contribute to a fantastic collaboration when we are in balance. See, if you are in balance with yourself, you will not look to what others get before you or without you or any of those limiting belief systems.
Check on yourself often and see if you are teetering toward a massive ego out of balance by focusing negatively on others and being judgy judgy or if you are paying attention to your own plate and how you can be of service while encouraging yourself to take great (or little) leaps.
For those of you thinking you have to get rid of your ego, please do not. I love that you want more in life, that you can see where you are isn’t all that and a whole bag of chips. That you are interested in learning or taking some chances. That you might be so in touch with your supportive ego that you sign up for longer and longer races. Like 50k’s. Oh wait, that is my ego jumping in here. Go you! You cute little blob of encouragement and slightly delusional ideas! Thank you for being part of my journey. (Just a little example of how you could talk to it rather than trying to evict it!)
With all the reverence that I have for the human condition and path, please, please learn to embrace this part of you because you are a whole lot of special in there and we shouldn’t get rid of any part of you that will encourage more and lead to peace. Ok? Thank you!