It is very popular lately for people to say “just be positive”, “stay positive”, “don’t speak negatively”. The memes that fly around on a daily basis – and yes, I contribute to them – are amazing. I agree that we are responsible for being aware of where our focus is. And if we remain in a lower energy space of complaining and whining, I also believe that it will create more of it in our lives. But goodness, sometimes it’s so good to FEEL all the emotions.
If you read last week’s blog, you know I fell down and went boom. Also if you read it, it wasn’t exactly the upbeat vibe that I generally live in. That was not only because I wanted to be honest, but also because I had absolutely no reserves for painting a shiny picture or meaning to the pain I was in. Just could not do it. (Although the “air-bag” line was good. I have to give myself that one!)
I remember saying to my coach years ago that I wanted to be mad and stay mad to experience what that felt like. She thought I was a little batty because so many people strive to be in a less angry place but I wanted to see what it was like. Growing up, showing any kind of emotion like that generally got it met with more of the like from others, and my naturally “look-on-the-upside” wiring often prevented me from fully appreciating what frustration, anger, hurt, ticked-off emotions felt like. Guess what? I found them! I experienced them and it wasn’t all bad. I was intentional not to get it on anyone or project it to someone else to make me feel better. I let it be there, and truthfully, it’s only recently passed a few days ago.
You see, I had a summer planned of amazing activities, all of which would require my right wing for full participation. I had classes to teach and an office to move! I had pushed myself through the pain of training for the race, endured blisters the likes of which I had never seen before, and scheduled myself tight to get it all in – and I was annoyed this was my plight. It felt GOOD to allow all the emotions to flow. I also realized about a day in that it was also allowing me to let other emotions out too. Old hurts that were in there, realizations that wanted to come to the surface that I kept pushing away, and a lesson in allowing others to help me.
I’m a big believer in the idea that we can learn from any situation. Now I know we also have to allow that learning to surface in its own time. It’s significant that the anger and disappointment had a place to surface and that I didn’t take it out on others. I’ve said before that all emotions are valid but how we handle them and where we direct them are most important.
I know it is contributing to the healing that is going on in my shoulder, too, as I have more mobility than I did previously, and less pain. The body listens!
How do you handle your frustration? Does it get to teach you anything? Do you allow yourself to garner the wisdom from the gift of that frustration? Can you hear what it is trying to communicate to you? Can you put away the platitudes and perceptions that any emotion other than those wrapped in glitter and angel wishes are valid? Can you be real?
Learning to listen and use emotions effectively takes practice. I don’t know about all of you, but I wasn’t taught that amazing little skill, so we need to stick together and share with each other. We have to be supportive (without being placating) with people’s vulnerability. That includes ourselves.
I’d love to help you learn these skills too. I’m grateful today that the boom shook my center and has reminded me what I’ve known but forgotten to realize in me – and that my innate wisdom that my soul has some messages for me. We all have it within. I hope you don’t have to have a “shake the ground” moment like mine to hear your soul’s messages, but if you do, I hope that someone is there to help.