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Lately I’ve had this conundrum going on and I’m seeing it in others lives too so it must be a universal lesson happening. It could also be that whole like attracts like phenomenon where you see what you are going through everywhere, but whatever it is, it is fascinating.

 The confusion being whether a relationship is in my best interest to still be involved in.

It can be such a challenge to take the time to assess if where you invest your time and energy, not to mention emotions, is worth it. That time though, is such a gift to yourself if you are willing to do it.

It takes courage for sure. Who wants to release a relationship they’ve invested themselves in? But, who would want to lose respect for self if they stay is also a good question.

Sometimes it can be so hard to see the path that is best serving. For all parties involved. I know I have spent way too much time being invested in someone else’s energy that I couldn’t even see if it’s in my best interest to associate with them. I can see it clear as can be for someone else, but my learning as a human and a soul come with their own fun.

My challenges have come in the friend category as I have learned a lot in the last two years what true friendships consist of. I’ve often felt I wasn’t the best friend to begin with because while I will help, I won’t join people in their self made drama. I also don’t subscribe to the belief we have to be in each other’s pockets to have a good relationship. I enjoy people’s company and I adore my quiet time so quite often invitations will be declined because it is so important to me to have that to stay sane and I won’t change that to spare someone’s, even someone I love, decision to be disappointed. So yeah, I can be a pill, but I’m fun too!

Have you felt this way lately too? Are there relationships that just aren’t cutting the mustard? Is there a family member that even if you share DNA, you just can’t be with any longer? a friend you have known for decades? A career that just isn’t doing it for you any longer? You have the choice, you know.

What I’ve learned this year is there are others who will accept me for me and that is amazing. There are relationships to be nurtured where each party is seen and appreciated.  I don’t have to put up with those so self involved they don’t even realize I haven’t said anything for forty five minutes while they talked about themselves. Seriously, I timed it!

I actually had someone say to me they wished they could have a conversation with me where I didn’t respond! While I found that hysterical because isn’t that the definition of a conversation, it was very telling to how I had allowed people in my life who were only there for self. That is on me and if I wanted relationships that are authentic, I have to be brave enough to end the patterns in my current situations. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, after all, it is the willingness to move forward even with the fear.

You do too. If you want to enjoy life and be in relationships where both parties contribute, you have to assess and sometimes let go. Whether it is a job, partner, sibling, friend or organization, it is up to each individual to be aware of the patterns and energy exchanges happening.

  • What, if anything, is not working in the relationships around you?
  • If you could clarify one thing you would like to change, in you, in regards to your relationships, what would it be?
  • When will you start changing that?
  • How important is it that you have relationships where you get to be you and are respected for whom you are?
  • What have you been telling yourself about the people in your life that you KNOW are no longer in alignment with who you are?

These are some of the questions I have asked myself and often ask of my clients when a relationship issue comes up. Even if that relationship is with a pet; it must be addressed for peace to happen. We aren’t going to make it through our lives without some challenges with others. Wouldn’t it be nice if that challenge wasn’t with self? After all, wherever you go, there you are!

I hope if these issues are showing up for you lately, that you are able to look at your own part, honor all people and act in a way that is compassionate for both. As I’ve said before, sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do for all parties is to walk away.

Learning to be a friend to self is powerful. Repeat this often; I am a friend to me. A friend to me, I must be. When we are able to do this, we can be the most amazing friends, lovers, partners, employers, parents, etc in the world and bring respect to all interactions. Give it a go, will you?

Friendly, learning to be to self first and then others,


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