Life can be challenging enough with all the moving parts of personal, professional, spiritual and physical life without adding additional pressure to our emotional self. When someone comes to me for a session they will invariably realize that humor is a part of the work I offer. I believe, and have been told, that it is why some sign on for coaching. Trauma work and releasing belief systems to build a fantastic sense of self does not all have to be serious. In fact, I believe we can have a reverence for the work and the person without having to be oh so serious at all.
I have attracted to me the best clients in the world because of my own beliefs on this. I know that to be true. This past week I had an affirmation of that and asked the amazing lady if I could share it with you since the subject matter is very applicable to all of us.
We were talking about how her perception of herself was very much based on what others thought of her. A common practice among humans. I referred to her particularly challenging boss as “just being her boss”. What I meant by this was that he was her boss, great, we know that. He was in charge of the department. We knew that too by the word boss. He is not a particularly good boss but he was in the position and as an employee, and her coach, we had to respect that to be in our highest energy space. I reflected that to her and then said, “however, he is ONLY your boss. He is not in charge of how you feel about yourself or even responsible for that either. He does not get to determine your worth, nor does his ignorant behaviors define who you are.” She’s a very intelligent person (as are ALL my clients. Another perk of my attraction action!). She knows all of this on a cognitive level and yet, her subconscious was right there ready to bring in an argument so she could stay in the “other people are the reason I’m not happy, moving forward, focused place.” Feel free to fill in any other description here that your critic would like to add to my list. We have so many. The little bugger!
Anyway, as she takes a deep breath and begins her statement with “I KNOW all of that….but”, I, some would say rudely, say in an aptly timed way, break into a rendition of “I LIKE BIG BUTS AND I CAN NOT LIE!”. Coaching genius right there! As you can imagine, we broke out into hysterical laughter. The laughing was not to make fun of her at all. It was to break the pattern of there always being something wrong with HER and a need to limit her own greatness.
Once we collected ourselves, I asked her if we could pause and have her FEEL the separateness of her boss and herself. Once we did that, I asked her to feel who else her boss was like in her life. She couldn’t see it so I pointed out who it was and then there was an ohhhhhhh moment. Someone from deep in her past where the message likely got installed that someone else’s opinion of her matters way more than her own. Once discovered, we were able to shift that belief and she could feel a calmness as well as a strength show up in her.
Could we have gotten there without the humor? Perhaps, BUT why would we?
We use but to diminish our own power. To downplay what could be amazing in our lives and to give more credence to what others think then what we know to be true of ourselves.
Think of the buts in your life. Be nice! I’m not talking about BUTTS, I’m talking about buts.
- I would take that trip, but…
- I could ask that person out, but…
- I should work out more but…(shoulds and but’s usually live together. Don’t let them live in your head!)
- I’d like to take a new job, but….
- I want to have a conversation with______, but…
These are very limiting statements and there are thousands more where they come from. All designed, in some way, to hold us back. As a coach I love the buts. They tell me where the real work is that needs to be done to free the person from their excuse jail.
So tell me, do you like big buts or are you simply in the habit of cultivating them yourself? They are great indicators of your own alignment. Get to like them until you stop using them!
I can help if you still have a lack of love for the buts of the world.